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Somewhat questionable
PG-13
Cougar/Jensen, with a side of Pooch/Jolene
Cougar has some pretty suspect ways of showing Jensen he cares.
I promised [livejournal.com profile] elenorasweet, [livejournal.com profile] katrinbisiani and [livejournal.com profile] killedmedead something cute and fluffy. I'm not sure this qualifies. More fuzz than fluff.



Jensen’s been shot, stabbed, maimed, hit by a car, thrown off a building, buried alive and sent to lala land on a really fucked up LSD trip.

And that’s in the last twelve months.

He thinks it is pretty fucking unfair then that he’s the one subjected to this new, seriously fucking twisted form of torture.




He’s in his boxers and he’s duct taped to a chair.

Not tied, but fucking duct taped. With actual fucking duct.

That shit fucking murders his skin.

Inconsiderate bastards.




Cougar’s gagged him with his bandana, and smirking at him from the other side of the kitchen.

Jensen kicked him in the face when Cougar taped his legs to the chair.

Doesn’t look like he gives a fuck, either.

Jensen really hates Cougar sometimes.




He only puts up with him for the mind shattering sex.

Really.




But apparently, this is Pooch’s idea.

Or rather Jolene’s.

Thing is, Jensen bets Jolene said abso-fucking-lutely nothing about the whole happy-go-lucky bondage crap. That’s just their sick, twisted interpretation of her orders.

And if it was Jolene’s idea, Jensen wouldn’t be putting up half as much of a fight.




Jensen’s sweating up a storm, despite the lack of clothes.

The oven’s on hot, and the room is thick with the sweet, sickly smell of melting chocolate and cinnamon.

When Jensen gets free, he’s going to cut Cougar’s hear, and hold Pooch’s stupid motherfucking dog hostage.

Only it’s four am, and the fuckers dragged him out of bed.

Jensen can actually sleep anywhere, even tied up half naked in a kitchen full of crazy people.

So he does that instead.




“It’s been decided,” Pooch says an hour later. He’s covered in cookie batter, and Jensen is tempted to lick him, just to piss Cougar off. “That you don’t fucking eat enough.”

Jensen’s been dozing, and the words don’t make all that much sense.

He waits until Cougar tugs down the bandana and waves a chocolate chip cookie under his nose.

“I eat!” He says indignantly. And he totally does.

“You drink.” Cougar corrects. “Caffeine. Too much caffeine.”

“So your solution to me being over caffeinated is to wake me up in the middle of the motherfucking night and what, bake me cookies? Do you seriously want me on a sugar high? Because you get to be the one to explain that to the Colonel. I mean it. I’ll bounce, I’ll bounce right out the door and down the fucking street.”

“Cougar’ll keep you busy.” Pooch doesn’t look concerned with the potential ramifications of Jensen on a sugar rush.

Pooch is clearly stupid.

Four Star Generals will blockade North Korea before they give Jensen sugar.

That diplomatic incident in Stockholm?

Yeah. That was all down to the sugar.

Jensen’s blameless, he really is.




Cougar’s solution to Jensen's refusal is to pinch Jensen’s nose until he can’t breathe, then force cookie after cookie into his mouth.

Clearly he skipped the class on seductive feeding.




So there’s Jensen, duct taped to a chair with Pooch cackling and Cougar feeding, and Clay’s only reaction is to say “Make sure you clean up when you’re done.”

Jensen needs to transfer to another unit, asap.




“You know,” Cougar gives him milk with a sippy straw after the seventh cookie. It’s romantic, and completely fucked up. “Most people go with chocolate dipped strawberries, or cream or, I don’t know, anything but this whole weird S&M vibe you’ve got going. I like kinky as much as the next guy, but I think you’re taking things a little too far, yeah?”

Cougar shrugs and fetches a blanket from their kit. He tucks it round Jensen’s shoulders, and it’s weirdly sweet, in a Norman Bates kind of way.




Jensen falls asleep with cookie crumbs under his chin and a satisfied Pooch reporting in to Jolene via satellite phone.

Cougar pets his knee affectionately.

For him, kidnapping, bondage and force feeding are as close to flowers and poetry as he’ll get.

“I can’t believe I have to tie you down to take care of you.” Cougar mutters to himself as Jensen goes under.

Jensen manages a smile. Yeah, he’s just that awesome.




He wakes up to the rip of tape and the hairs on his arms and legs abandoning ship.

Motherfuck!
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