Aug. 18th, 2010 09:55 pm
maratonista: (Default)
[personal profile] maratonista
Title: Switch
Pairing: Cougar/Jensen
Rating: R
Summary: If Cougar had been anyone else, Jensen would probably have fought back.
Disclaimer: Not mine, borrowed!
Warnings: Violence, disterbing imagery. Talk of rape and implied child abuse.
Notes: Part of the Belonging Series.

When Cougar first enlisted, they used melons to substitute a human head. The splats they made when a bullet ripped right through them were pretty much the same.

He imagined Lee’s head doing something similar.

Clay had pulled him back before he could actually kill the fucker. They cuffed him, blindfolded him, and wrapped a few layers of duct tape around the ventilation holes Cougar had provided him with.

Couldn’t have him bleed to death just yet.

Clay drove.

Cougar kicked him in his ribs occasionally, just in case Lee was drawing their route.

They threw Lee at Roque and Pooch.

It was testament to just how fucked up they all were that the sudden acquisition of a beaten, bloody man didn’t raise so much as an eyebrow.

Jensen was in the bedroom, in his boxers – a grey pair that proudly declared ‘Stupidity is not a crime!’. He didn’t look up when Cougar slammed open the door, even though it bounced back off the wall.

He was so fucking oblivious! Obviously it was okay to let his guard down completely, because Roque and Pooch were home, and fuck knew they were both bulletproof…

If Cougar had been pissed before, he was fucking apoplectic right about then.

Jensen yelped in surprise as Cougar tossed aside the laptop he was working on. “What the hell?”

Cougar didn’t give him the chance to get angry. He hauled Jensen up by the throat and slammed him into the wall.

It was paper thin, and shook the whole room.

If Cougar had been anyone else, Jensen would probably have fought back.

Instead he just stared at him with wide, wounded eyes, hurt and confusion lurking at the edge of his expression, and it only made Cougar madder.

“You think we’d never find out?” He didn’t yell, didn’t need to. His lips were only inches away from Jensen’s ear. “Why did you lie to me?”

Jensen blinked, clearly confused as fuck. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Cougar squeezed his hand tighter, until he could feel the frantic fluttering of Jensen’s heartbeat against his fingers.

And still Jensen didn’t push him away.

Instead he tilted his head to the side, a submissive display he always showed when Cougar’s blood lust was so close to the surface.

You can hurt me if you like. I don’t mind. Anything you want.

Before the rape – and Cougar hated, hated that word – he’d not delved deep enough into Jensen’s psychy to recognize just how fucking damaged the kid was.

After, he had just blamed all those crazy fucking issues of his on the same triggers Cougar had himself.

It was only then, his vision clouded by anger and yet clear for the first time in years, that he saw Jensen as he was.

Back when he let Cougar fuck him against the wall, barely any prep and nothing but spit and blood between them.

Cougar could hurt him now. Bite and fuck and bruise.

And Jensen would welcome it.

Cougar used to think he had taken advantage of Jensen.

He started to wonder if it was the other way around.

Jensen didn’t rub at the bruises on his neck, even when Clay dragged Cougar off him, and Pooch freaked out loudly in the corner.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Pooch looked upset. He was the only one.

He patted ineffectively at Jensen’s shoulder, trying to understand why Jensen looked nothing but resigned. A man awaiting the gallows.

Cougar shrugged out of Clay’s hands and stalked over to Lee.

He kicked him in the gut. Again. Then again. He’d get a fucking answer. It didn’t matter to him that Lee had been trained to resist torture like they all had.

Cougar had been close to cracking at forty-one days.

If it took forty-two, or four hundred and two, he’d crack Lee as well.

“Did you touch him?” He roared, ripping the blindfold away from Lee’s eyes.

Lee blinked away the blood before his eyes narrowed on Jensen.

Clay and Roque and Pooch had been the ones to kill the men who had been responsible for the hell he and Jensen had suffered through.

Cougar never got the chance to even the odds.

Until then.

By the time he was done with Lee, there was nothing left salvaging.

No one stopped him.

Cougar wasn’t sure if they thought he was right, or if they were too afraid to try.

After, with Lee’s blood cooling on his knuckles, the red washed away.

He was exhausted. Empty.

Jensen looked at him with hollow, bruised eyes. “You feel better now you’ve evened the score? Have you changed anything?”

Cougar didn’t respond. He felt sick. If he opened his mouth, he’d lose his lunch.

Jensen took the silence for the answer it was. “He was just like us, you know. People hurt him, so he hurt them back.”

As if that excused it. As if that made it any fucking better.

And the scary part of it all was that Jensen genuinely, honestly believed it did.

Clay split them up.

Or rather, he sent Cougar to go cool his heels.

The four of them went to Jolene. He went to New Hampshire, alone for the first time.

He waited until Jillian was at school. He’d never scare her, would die if he thought he had, and the anger was still too close to the surface to risk it.

Judith and Samuel were home. They opened the door and the house smelled of cinnamon and safety.

“Jake said you’d come.”

Jensen clearly knew Cougar far, far better than Cougar knew him.

Judith brought him tea and oatmeal cookies shaped like stars. Neither she or Samuel bothered with small talk. “He also said you’d have questions. You could have just asked him yourself.”

“He’d lie.” Cougar said flatly.

Samuel nodded his head. His grey hair was almost white, and he looked a little like Santa. At Christmas, he even dressed up in red and white. Cougar knew that because he had spent Christmas there. Two of them.

They were as close to family as Cougar was going to get.

“He’s a good liar.” Judith agreed. “Always has been.”

Jensen was an excellent con artist, and Cougar... Cougar had just been another mark.

“He has had practice.” Samuel added. “Too much. By the time he came to us, it was second nature for him to lie. I don’t think he even knew he was doing it half the time.”

“Tell me how…how he came here.”

“Jake and Sarah were twins, you know. He was older by twenty minutes.” Judith began. Cougar had known, right from the start, that Jensen’s sister was dead. He never said her name, never acknowledged her passing, but Cougar didn’t need it spelled out for him.

“By the time they came to us, they had been in and out of Foster Care for close to a decade. Sarah was a very damaged girl, very wild. Jake tried to look out for her, but he wasn’t much better himself. They’d been separated before. It was a miracle, really, that neither of them had been taken out of State.”

Cougar had his own experience with the system. He knew how over burdened it was – how vulnerable to those who would take advantage of it and those within it. “They were abused?”

Samuel nodded. “Yes. And I wouldn’t have put it passed Jake to have manipulated the system so they could be together again.”

Jensen was nothing if not skilled at getting his own way, somehow or another. The thought was less bitter than Cougar imagined it would be.

“Sarah died shortly after they turned seventeen. She overdosed on sleeping pills and vodka. The Coroner was never certain if it was suicide or accidental death. Jake was already working with the government then. He blamed himself for not noticing how far away she had slipped.” Judith was careful to look Cougar straight in the eye as she spoke, slow and careful with each word.

It didn’t take Cougar long to understand why.

Jensen was twenty-five. Sarah would have been the same age. Jillian was seven.

She had been born when he was eighteen.

“Jillian,” Cougar cleared his throat, suddenly as desperate to see Jensen’s eyes as he had been years ago. “She’s his, isn’t she?”

Neither Judith or Samuel gave a straight answer. “He started getting involved in dangerous things.” Judith said, clearly understanding far more about Jensen’s work than he gave her credit for.

“Jillian is safer this way. She has the stability he never did.” Samuel added.

They had been right.

Jensen was a very good liar.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-18 09:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] killedmedead.livejournal.com
gah.. this hurts, man...
Jensen... *sigh*

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-18 09:14 pm (UTC)
ext_6657: She solders!  With glasses! (jensen is confused)
From: [identity profile] katemonkey.livejournal.com
Oh man that ending!

And how astoundingly flawed everyone is - fantastic!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-18 09:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kelly-girl.livejournal.com
Oh wow. I love what this is saying, the reason Jensen let Lee go and Cougar finally seeing how messed up Jensen is and wanting to know the truth and how it reflects on how Jensen reacts to him.

I need to read this again. Your writing style is so...hmm not stark, but you say so much with a minimum of words and give us this picture of this family called the losers.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-18 09:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amitrixwolf.livejournal.com
oh my god... that's just... that's just wow. Thats' really depressing and something I wouldn't put past Jensen which is very sad. D:

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-18 09:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] symbioticdeath.livejournal.com
Very emotion packed chapter. Poor Jensen...I really want to know what happens next.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-18 09:44 pm (UTC)
ext_59624: (Default)
From: [identity profile] marvinetta.livejournal.com

This series is so dark and the boys are so flawed and I love it. I love your Cougar so much and I can not WAIT for more.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-18 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emocezi.livejournal.com

His niece is really his daughter? Is it like....he just says she's his niece to protect her, or was it all incest-y? :/

Sorry, that's probably not what I should be foccusing on here.


(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-18 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] misslily66.livejournal.com
I'm sorry, I'm stupid, what was Jensen lying about and how did Cougs figure it out?

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-19 04:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] strawberryjazzy.livejournal.com
Wow...um...wow. All the emotion in this chapter was amazing. Poor um... Jensen? Cougar? I don't even know.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-19 07:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] b-scholes.livejournal.com
Oh wow! Another wonderful chapter. Can't wait for more. Such emotion, and I loved Jensen just lieing there and taking Cougars hate and rage.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-19 09:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sadisticbitch64.livejournal.com
just......I.......god I hate you!! But I love you to much to hate you, its just..........you write these cute little funny-ass fics than you turn around and shatter my heart with one of this angst-filled monsters. Yet I love them just as much as the cutesy ones! Don't change. Ever. And put more up because I can't even fathom what Cougar do next.

I love you and your work and I even love the secretly evil Jensen you have spawned from your awesomeness!!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-19 10:23 am (UTC)
ext_33665: (Default)
From: [identity profile] entwinedangels.livejournal.com
i dont think ive commented on this series yet - even though i squeal and have a freak out everytime you update.
I do not have the words that explain how fucking much i adore this series.

but yes. this is me, gushing, i really really love this thing you;ve done

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-20 03:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spazzer-mctwich.livejournal.com
i just want to cuddle Jensen. i really hope we find out what happened while Lee had Jensen. god they are so fucked up.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-20 07:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alocine-89.livejournal.com

I love it, but it hurts

This series is more wonderful with every new part :D

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-20 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] otherpervert.livejournal.com

And now that I'm totally caught up... Dang I need more of this. lol Seriously brilliant series. Can't wait for the next. Glad I grabbed Bablefish to read :)